Death, taxes, laundry. These are the three things that Sometimes Mistaken for U.S. President Benjamin Franklin found most vexing in our temporal world. And he ought to know, he had kidney stones. I think it is safe to assume that most of us share the sentiment of our porkiest founding father. Laundry really is a pain in our collective necks, a necessary part of our weekly (or for some of you) monthly routines. It needs no assistance getting on our collective nerves. But it still gets help from a couple of especially maddening individuals who make doing laundry in a dorm the fun that it is.
I’d like to take the time to talk about everyone’s favorite people in the world. You may not know who they are, but I’m sure they appreciate you taking their clothes out of the dryer for them.
Listen here you Chuckaboos, you know who you are. You need to drop whatever it is you’re doing right now and go get your laundry.
I will personally guarantee at least one person reading this article right now has forgotten about their mound of clothes sitting idly in the dryer — or, even worse, they’re sitting in the washing machine sopping wet and starting to harvest mold.
In 10 years you’ll see these same people on the nightly news because they left their baby carrier on top of the car before a cross-country road trip.
(Note: The imaginary baby carrier in question did not fall off the roof of the car and the imaginary baby inside was not harmed. The imaginary baby went on to live a full life and would graduate top of his class at Harvard.)
In addition to being just downright annoying, these forgetful fellows turn the act of doing laundry into an exercise of moral virtue for everyone else. Obviously the existence of laundry in the dryer creates a bit of a blockage that the rest of us want to get cleared. But how do we clear it? When faced with this ethical quandary, there are two options. We could A.) do the right thing and take the person’s clothes out, bag them, and donate them to Goodwill. Or B.) hide them above the ceiling tiles. Either way it’s a problem solved.
You may think that leaving laundry in the washer or dryer is all good fun, that it’s no big deal, that uptight stiffs like me need to “mellow out man.” You may say to yourself “it’s the cool thing to do because all my friends do it.” You may laugh about your problem and never address it. But what people don’t stop to think about is the consequences you may experience as a result of leaving your laundry in the dryer. It is a well known fact that laundry, particularly socks, left to wander the wash room are statistically more likely to engage in behaviors resulting in their disappearance — even exceeding disappearances attributed to consumption by washing machine. So the next time you think it would be “rad” to experiment with leaving your laundry in the washer, think again.
If you read this article and said to yourself “wait a minute, I leave my laundry in the dryer all the time!” Don’t lose heart, there is still hope for those suffering from your condition, but we must act quickly. Fortunately, modern science has provided a cure for what ails you. It is called “a timer.” It’s a nifty appliance that will count down from a set time interval, telling the user how much time is remaining. It comes standard on the vast majority of smart devices and has a plethora of applications, from hot dog eating contests to, oh, I don’t know, telling you how much time is left on your laundry? I suggest giving it the old college try.
Nick Treglia is a sophomore studying applied mathematics.
The Link LonkNovember 05, 2020 at 09:00PM
http://hillsdalecollegian.com/2020/11/dont-make-your-laundry-last-long/
Don't make your laundry last long - Hillsdale Collegian
https://news.google.com/search?q=Laundry&hl=en-US&gl=US&ceid=US:en
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